24 Feb 2013

How healthy is anger to your relationship?

You simply don't fancy being angry with those closest to you, do you? Do you sometimes try to conceal this anger? Or, how bad do you feel not being able to express your anger over an issue? Well, it might be a relief to know that anger has its place in relationships. It is healthy to feel anger; yes! Though what you do with it is the difference between enjoying a happy relationship and being out on your own again. Read on!

Try hard to pay attention when you feel something is getting on your nerves. Early detection of this pays a great deal, when it is annoyance or frustration – before it becomes a serious threat. For this reason, it’s very helpful to practice being aware of your emotions. When you do, you’re likely to realize that along with your anger, you are often feeling other emotions that need attention, too. For instance, you might also feel sad, hurt, disrespected, or emotionally abandoned. As you become aware of these experiences, take note of the trigger factors.

With that you can begin to address your feelings and the problems that caused them. If the problem is within you, work on addressing it alone or with the help of others. If the problem truly resides in your relationship, then you would do well to think about an effective way to express what you are feeling along with why you are feeling this way. This thoughtful approach is likely to get the other person to engage with you to resolve your problem – guess this is a much better and thoughtful approach than just blasting the other person, who might just become defensively aggressive too.

As tempting as it is to see the issue as totally the other person’s fault, this is not helpful and rarely true. So, if you want to accomplish anything other than venting, you will benefit from approaching the other person when you are reasonably calm. Your aim is to pass your message across and to truly listen to the other person’s response. This gives you the opportunity to understand them better – whether this means hearing their sincere apology or their difficulties with you. Interestine! Isn't it?

Moving on! Now, Without acknowledgment, understanding, and constructive discussion of your anger and other emotions, your distressing feelings can chop off your relationship in bits until there isn’t much left but negativity.  So, choose to respond to these feelings in a more constructive way.

In summary, let your anger guide you through understanding of your experience and as a motivation to work through problems. In this way, you can turn it to your advantage, improving your relationship and making you ever happier. TRY IT!

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